Saturday, 30 January 2010

Fun in a wedding dress.

Originally uploaded by ***Vix***
Our friends Rachel, Ben and Ikey came up today. It was a last minute arrangement. We had planned on going to Mum and Rob's for lunch before Rob goes into hospital for a hip operation. Unfortunately about 5 mins after we organised this Clara produced another revolting nappy, her second of the day (the first being at preschool making me look like a neglectful mother for sending her with the squits!). Therefore Mum and Rob was cancelled as we didn't want to risk her passing it onto Rob. Anyway Paul and I were feeling a bit glum about a boring Saturday when we got a text from Rachel telling us she was installing something on her mac that Paul had suggested to her and when could we meet up. We said "what are you doing tomorrow?!" and thus today was planned!

Paul was dispatched this morning to go and procure Fillet of Cow so I could make Nigella's fast cook, long rest beef.... soo good. And I, inspired by the Hairy Bikers, made home made chips to go with it and a nice big salad. For pud we had meringues, cream and strawberries. Whilst all was delicious it was possibly a bad idea given what came next. Whilst Paul was sorting out a problem with her mac Rachel got her wedding dress out of the back of the car. That wasn't planned either, but she looked at it before she left and lobbed it in on the off chance!

We went down to a park in Wallington and had a massive amount of fun with her climbing trees, lamp posts and walking on walls. My favourite moment was just as we went to go home a little girl trundled past in a pushed trike a gog at the beautiful princess like bride striding past her! So sweet!

We got home to 2 chilling husbands and 3 happily playing children. Ideal! Such a fab day, tomorrow we need to go and price up material for the sofa, I can put it off no more.... sob.

Friday, 29 January 2010

The Fat Thing.

Ok, I am fat. There are new two ways around it I am a fatty arbuckle, a biffer and a big time chubster. I hate it. I have around 7st to lose I think but it is so fucking difficult. I like food, I like the sensuality of flavours and textures but I have a bad relationship with it. I am terrified of being thin too, because what if I am still this miserable when I am thin? At least when I am fat and miserable I know that is part of the reason I am miserable (twisted or what?!). I am headed back to the GP for more (possibly in 2 senses of the word) Antidepressants and I am going to ask for help. It isn't easy, most of it is psychological. At one point I starved myself to 6.5 stone and still thought I was fat. I am terrified that if I start dieting successfully I won't stop. I swing between wanting to starve myself until I disappear and eating until I feel sick as punishment. I don't know how to control it anymore, or what I want except that it is anything but this. I am pretty sure a part of the reason I am housebound a lot is because I am fat and I don't want to be seen out.

This is my current plan:

1, Get some rental exercise DVDs from Lovefilm in things I like (I have ordered a bollywood one, a belly dance one and a Strictly Come Dancing one).

2, Sign up for Weight Loss Resource and start logging my food again.

3, Move meals into the dining room (better crack on with the table linen then eh?!)

4, Start making more of an effort with myself so that I WANT to be slimmer.

5, Not give myself "a day off" because no such thing exists in life when it comes to eating.

I am bricking it.

Thursday, 28 January 2010

Morning off Mark 2.

Ok, I am grabbing a plank of wood as I type this for fear of invoking the law of sod.

Phoebe went back to school today, and no explodapoo from Clara so methinks they are on the mend. So tomorrow they are BOTH going to preschool and I am going to drive over to the big haberdasher in Tooting and purchase pattern paper (or if it is too expensive, a lot of greaseproof paper) and pretty cords and I am going to make the girls a couple of dresses each. If. It. Kills. Me. I may also make a pinafore dress but as that requires making and drafting the pattern myself I may leave that until I am feeling a little braver.

I am also waiting for a Photobox payment (I sell my prints through them) and then I am going to on a Button Buying Bonanza at my lovely friend Caroline's Folksy Shop. So many lovely things, so little time!

I also need to think of what I am going to wear to my sister's 30th birthday. I was going to be a photographer so I could do some basic coverage without having to faff with a costume. However I have pulled out of the togging for anxiety issues (caused a guilt ridden sleepless night... bah!) so I can embrace my inner (yeah right) fairy. When I was little I was so like Clara, I was always a princess or a fairy. I don't mean I pretended to be or just played dress up, I WAS them. My long term career goal was to be the tooth fairy. Sadly it is a tricky business to get into and I didn't make the grade, something about no wings. My current thoughts is a black sparkly corset, a pair of black leggings and a rainbow bustle skirt made from a chiffony fabric. Oh and a pair of big black bovver boots (for kicking out those awkward teeth!). I am going to make up some teethy jewellery from Fimo. I may also make some drapey wings with sleeves (50% pretty, 50% coverage of the Bingo Wings...).

Then the girls need outfits, I am thinking Evil Genius for Clara with a bit of hairgel, a white coat and a BIG RED BUTTON hung around her neck, she can do the crazed look herself (hee hee, in reality if I can get her to wear anything but a fairy outfit it will be a miracle!). Phoebe, well she wants to be an artist currently but I suspect that will change a billion and one times before we get to the party. Paul is going as a geek. I have to think of a way he can include some of his geek speak in it (RTFM,  I D TEN T Error, 12 o'clock flasher etc) any ideas for that? Maybe as a faux company name or something?

Wednesday, 27 January 2010

Hello from the plague pit.

We got Noro'ed. Well I think we did anyway, the physical evidence would say so, but to look at the girls you wouldn't know. However when one has to cut the vest top off the small child because of an explodapoo, one knows roughly how one's day is going to go. I confess I thought Paul was hamming up his reaction to yesterdays explodapoo (and he only had the back to clear up, today she went for full coverage) however he was entirely justified in his reaction because, well, ick. Clara was livid that she was having to be showered off two days in a row poor love. Phoebe got the other end and the poor poppet had to consign her much longed for and hard won post swimming Happy Meal to the great white telephone. If I am lucky then it will put her off Fat Rons for life but I somehow doubt it.

Because of illness we have been consigned to barracks (with windows wide open, not nice when it is cold out there). We have passed the time playing "Madagascar" with the animals, watching Dancing on Ice (I fast forwarded through the ads and sponsorship as last time I let them watch it I didn't and Clara, who was trying to copy all the dance moves, also took it upon herself to copy the snogging in the ads... with me!) and Ice Princess that was very kindly sent to us from Love Film. I also made some medicinal Snickerdoodles from Nigella's How to Be A Domestic Goddess. I may have sent Paul and email at around 4pm threatening severe bodily harm in a public space if he wasn't home on time, but hey 11 hrs with 2 bored children is NOT pretty.

Tuesday, 26 January 2010

Phoebe tells it like it is.

[suspicious noise in the car]

me:  Phoebe do you have a quacky bottom?

Phoebe: No!.... But Daddy does!

Monday, 25 January 2010

Tick Tock.

4.25am and I have yet to fall asleep. Tomorrow (or rather today) is NOT going to be fun is it.

Sunday, 24 January 2010

Do you know the worst thing about depression?

The absolute kicker of this rancid vile disease. It surprises you, you can have a wonderful day one day and the next you are back in the depths of despair, often just a little deeper than you were before.

I had a fab day on Saturday, we went to see friends again and my cheeks hurt, properly physically hurt from chatting and laughing with them and their wonderful children. Today? Today I have wanted to disappear into the ether with feelings of despair and misery. When I get very sick with it I can feel my blood wanting to escape, I think I won't feel anything unless I cause it myself (I haven't self harmed today but oh god I have wanted to). I can't bear being around the children and all the normal noises they make and their desire to cuddle or touch me. I have been livid with Clara today as she has fought me over everything. 

Then there is feeling ridiculous. Foolish for being afraid of things that other people do everyday. Like walking up to Tesco and back. It is 500m there and back and I can't do it, I have to drive. I have to drive 500m, how fucking ridiculous is that?! I can't describe the fear or even what I am afraid of out there, it is just Out There, people seeing me and somehow seeing inside my soul at what a bad and horrible person I must be. Rationally I know this isn't true and yet it still terrifies me.

I want to be rational, I want to be normal, I want to go out on my own, I want to be able to enjoy getting ready to go out and have fun, I want to not panic that someone is watching me. I want to be able to take things for granted and not have to arrange my entire life outside these walls around times that people can do things with me, mostly without their knowledge.

Sorry for the pity party of one but I am so sick of feeling like this, and this is my little ranty place.

No words.

This has been open all afternoon but no inspiration, no desire to write, no words. Not a happy bunny today, I am being plagued by unsettling dreams so I am probably just tired. Will be back when I am feeling more chipper.


Friday, 22 January 2010

What a day!

Started off badly but ended pretty well!

Sheesh, 31 yrs and I am sat here with 2 skinned knees, a skinned hell of my hand and a big old bruise on my ego! I was taking the girls into Preschool, as normally happens Phoebe had dashed ahead desperate to get in and play and I was carrying Clara (who will NOT walk if she doesn't want to, we are working on it!). I moved over on the path to let through another Mum with a folded pushchair could come past when I slipped and went down on one knee, followed by the other and I just kept falling. Thankfully Clara was unhurt and just cross that her bum was covered in sodden berries. Apparently she was most indignant when Mybecky changed her trousers poor girl... if only she had walked huh! I got in the car and headed home to clean myself up, mostly cross that I had been wearing clean jeans and now I was wearing most of the berry population from the garden!

Anyway, shortly after I had cleaned up the day took a turn for the better, the nice man from Ovens2new came and made my disgusting oven (fondly known as "The carbon hole", well it adds flavour doesn't it?!) shiny and clean! Seriously it is sparkling now! Ok so when I thought the filth was catching fire the other day it was in fact the element burning out and shorting, but hey the oven is clean and insuring it stays that way for a while lol! Paul is on the case with the element so it should be functional by the end of the weekend.

Mum arrived after the nice oven man went home and the usual delight infected the girls as they spotted her at the end of Preschool. We had a lovely afternoon involving home made Pizza, Just Dance for the Wii (so much fun btw!) and a quick trip out to Mothercare to spend some money that GA (Great Aunt) Joyce had given the girls for Christmas.

Yup, the day got better and it is a good day today, even if I am limping.

Thursday, 21 January 2010

Patchwork, my first proper go!

Originally uploaded by ***Vix***
I bought a pack of Fat Quarters in a little haberdasher a while ago with the idea of making Phoebe a small quilt for her bedroom. Yesterday I decided to crack on with it. I made it up as I went a long so it is far from perfect but it is, as I generally put it, made with love! There are a couple of dodgy areas so my cunning plan is to make some fairy cut-outs to appliqué on to hide them. I need to find a backing material first though, and some silky bias binding for the edging, oh and the wadding! It was fun to do though and Phoebe is very excited about it.

In other news I treated myself to straighteners and am currently sporting lovely straight hair (it is about an inch longer then usual too... so at my bum!). To his credit Paul even noticed I had done "something"! Who says men aren't observant?! Ok so there is that issue we have with not finding things even if they are glaringly obvious but today I will forgive him lol!

Tuesday, 19 January 2010

I wish I could dance.

I also wish I could Ice Skate. Clara loves to dance, Phoebe is currently obsessed by Ice Skating. she demands a showing of Dancing on Ice every night before bed and is absolutely transfixed. I want to take her soon and plans are afoot but I am having a totally irrational worry that I am projecting my desires onto them.

The chances of me learning even the basics of pretty ice skating are slim as I am, to be blunt, fat. Lets not mention slightly ungainly and pretty ungraceful too! Still I love gliding around on the blades and despite going to a ski resort about once a year I haven't been to the local Patinoire yet, no time with everyone else skiing and looking after the girls. I would adore to learn something as simple as graceful backwards ice skating and maybe a few turns and twiddles. Owning my own skates would probably make me combust!

As soon as Clara turns 2.5 I will look into ballet lessons for her, she still does the exercises from the class we watched Mybecky's little girl do before Christmas. Phoebe is a bit trickier, I am planning a girls day out for her with another Mum so both our girls can have a go on the ice together. If Phoebe loves it I will probably see if I can get her lessons at a more local rink, see how she does and if she enjoys it. Ballet is a little too calm for her, she is a rocker at heart.

I just hope I am not projecting and that the girls really want to do these things and will enjoy them, even if it is just for a term or what ever. If they attack with the same vivacity as they do with swimming then they are going to be ace!

Monday, 18 January 2010

Uff, can I cancel Mondays?

I am SO over them. They suck.

That is all.


I had a fantastic day yesterday. We had lunch with our friends and planned our Summer Holiday to France. We are all driving over in a minibus to Mum's house in the Alps. 4 adults, 4 children and 2 incar DVD players. I really can't wait to go! However in all the fun I forgot to take a photograph, hence the Oops!

Lunch was delicious and I have now identified a new vegetable I like. On the Veg thing, I don't like a lot of them. I blame school dinners for this and the overcooked revolting texture I can't get out of my head. I eat peas, sweetcorn, asparagus, leeks, parsnips, salad and a lot veg raw and now I can add in red cabbage in port, yum! Contrary to popular belief I actually wish I liked more veg but I just can't get passed the texture thing, bleurgh. Anyway, for lunch we had a fantastic roast leg of lamb, roasty spuds and the aforementioned cabbage. What I really like about eating with these friends is that their little girl has a very similar diet to mine so I don't have to be embarrassed about it! For pud we had the tirimisu I made the day before. One downside is that I still have a delicate stomach from the day before. And I forgot too much rich food and a delicate stomach = a sore belly for the night. Ah well, it was so good it was worth it!

The girls had a fabulous time yesterday too. They play so well with Lexi & Rowan, Ro & Clara in particular are a fab team. Clara is just young enough to idolise Ro enough to do what she says and Ro loves nothing better than a small girl who will do what she wants! Phoebe spent the day enthralled by Monsters Vs Aliens and Spirited Away and Lexi once again got quote of the day! Coming from a boy who didn't talk until he was, erm, 5 or 6 due to autism hearing his comments and perspective is a joy. This one was in response to Phoebe playing with his Buzz Lightyear:

"That's my Space Ranger! Get your own!"

Got to love that boy! I also adore how he has to interrupt conversations to tell vitally important things like "My fingers are crossed!" he is fantastic.

So in conclusion, no picture but I had a fab day so I don't mind!

Saturday, 16 January 2010

Lows and Highs.

Originally uploaded by ***Vix***

I have been poorly sick today, I slept in and when I woke and tried to come downstairs I came over all peculiar and had to go back to bed. Meaning I missed out on going to see my friend and seeing my step sister AND going to the haberdasher to buy material to make some of the clothes for the girls.


I had the afternoon to myself whilst Paul and the girls were out.
I felt better after the day in bed
I got to perv at the lovelies in Star Trek again.
I made Tirimisu for desert tomorrow (pictured)
I booked the holiday with friends and am very excited!

Recipe for Tirimisu was given to Mum by a little old italian woman and I have used this recipe since. It contains [gasp] no alcohol but I have never, ever had a complaint about that. I would pass on the recipe but I have forgotten the measurements and do it all by eye now (one the few sweet recipes I can do that with). I just need to buy a flake on the way to see our friends tomorrow to finish it off! I am really looking forward to it, good friends, children that play well together and consequently leave us alone and good food. Perfect combination!

Friday, 15 January 2010

Oh a long awaited moment!

Originally uploaded by ***Vix***

It has been another one of those days! Although thankfully productive.

Once I had shipped both of the girls off to school (got to love Wednesdays and Friday) I retired home with a vague idea of a spot of baking. So I made fruit scones with which to bribe the girls with later in the day (neither are good eaters at the moment, mostly as Phoebe doesn't and what ever Phoebe does or doesn't, Clara follows suite). They came out beautifully and gave me a tasty treat to eat whilst (finally!) editing the photoshoot I have had looking at me for far too long.

Paul has given me his lurgy so I have been sneezing all day, I don't know what is worse sneezing or having one stuck. It has been one way or the other all day and both are very very annoying.

Now I should explain this picture, you may think either "what a dedicated blogger" or "dear lord, she SLEEPS with her LAPTOP!". Well it is neither, I am sadly lacking in any form of ipod or MP3player (although being a dedicated AppleMac house anything else would be blasphemous!). Much as I love him I don't want to borrow Paul's as he keeps his running music (ha, I call it music... it isn't, at least not to me... it is vaguely rhythmical noise!) on it and I use itunes to listen to audio books to help my sleep. Can you imagine how awful it would be (and incredibly predictable) for the tracks to run from nice soothing story to high octane running noise?! So every night I lug my laptop up, turn off the interweb and my mail program and close it until just closed enough so that itunes will still play and yet the screen will also go to sleep and save power, plug my headphones in and dream off to a lovely story. Ideally in a few months I will get an iphone to add to the Mac Family we already have. So I will be able to use that instead, I am also yearning for a memory foam Sound Asleep Pillow, that way I won't have to use uncomfortable earphones.

Anyway I am off to bed, I have just downloaded Anne of Avonlea to listen to tonight. I am quite looking forward to it as it is read by Megan Follows (played Anne in the TV series) so she will be able to say Avonlea properly and it won't be so annoying.

Thursday, 14 January 2010


Today I am mostly feeling pants.

1, I had mount Laundry to tackle so it was pants a go go in the physical sense.

2, I have Paul's cold and haven't stopped sneezing.

3, I am grouchy and grumpy and tired.

4, My thumbs really hurt

5, My toes hurt (athlete's foot, you don't need any more detail than than believe me!)

6, I am still grumpy.

7, If I am so ruddy tired why can't I sleep

8, When I do sleep why oh why does Clara have to sneak into bed with me resulting in my being stiff the next morning from holding my position (if I don't she shouts at me and if I try and move her she shouts at me AND wakes her sister).

9, I haven't been near my sewing machine in a week and a bit because of housework, clingy children and a hefty dose of uninspired-ness and a huge confidence crisis.

10, yes I am still grumpy.

One good thing I booked the table for The April Kleeksters party, very exciting. Better crack on and make my dress I suppose!

Wednesday, 13 January 2010

I am so lax...

I bought these letters ages ago from ebay with the intention of painting them and then hanging them over their pegs. I of course haven't done anything since then because, well I have no excuses really do I! This evening I felt like doing it so I did:

The colourings are so them. Clara suits red and white spots so much and Phoebe is much more of a pastel girl. It is odd that they suit different things because they have very similar colouring. Mind you I look daft in red too, it is just too hot a colour for me. Not that I am seen out of black and blue very often mind... the odd foray into teal or purple but mostly black. Except on my nails where I enjoy a range of interesting and vivid colours, I was wearing violet recently but Boots had a fab deal on and I will am now sporting a rather fabulous dark teal colour. I also have blue, pale blue, yellow, hot pink and a metallic purple in my collection. Nothing makes me feel happier than freshly painted nails, I like the sheen and the neatness of them.

On a slightly different note the patterns for the two dresses I am planning to make myself arrived today. We are headed over to my sisters house on Saturday afternoon so Paul can mount her TV on the wall (and probably sort out some computer issues whilst he is there...). I will be taking advantage of Aunty Isy and will whip out, hopefully grab my friend Annabel from around the corner and go to the haberdashers to look at fabric for the first dress I am going to make. I also have some of the girl's Christmas Money left so I am going to buy some Needlecord and make some pinafore's using LiEr from Ikat bag's pattern. I might see if I can find a couple of trouser patterns too as they are both needed a few nice pairs. My aim is to make as many clothes as I can for the girls and myself this year. I wonder if I can send Phoebe to school in a home made pinny come September.

13.01.10 - Birth A la Russian Doll.

Midwife Phoebe aids in the birth of 2 generations at once. Ok it is a bit brutal but, you have to admit, fairly effective!

More of Phoebe's play when she figures out how things work. I get very few awkward questions as she seems to figure out a fair amount for herself. Or just accept them as I tell her. The concept that I have 4 parents but only Papous and Grannie are my Daddy and Mummy seems to be something she just accepts. I wish everyone could be as accepting as her sometimes, it would make the world a nicer place.

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

I love the randomness of children.

Originally uploaded by ***Vix***

You never know what game you are going to walk into. For some reason Clara dragged the box of megablocks into the kitchen, emptied them out and made a boat out of the box. Phoebe was doing something involving the animals in the living room, I wasn't in on the drama (and there always is a drama!) but she was happy.

I love how they use their imaginations and how you can see them working through concepts in their play. Phoebe is very focused on death at the moment. I think it stems to the Lion King movie as the characters seem to be Simba, Moonfasa and Scarf (Phoebe's pronunciations) but after seeing the show with Grannie & Grande NO hyenas! Her play is noisy and shouty and as I mentioned above VERY dramatic.

Clara is quieter (unless she wants something Phoebe has whereupon all hell is unleashed!) and more thoughtful about her play, she loves her baby very much and anything cuddly. She also likes to boss people around so she is more than happy to sit on a knee and tell you to alternately "Go Sleep!" and then " 'AKE UP!". She likes to lead you around and place you where she wants you to be. She loves to be read too and comment on it.

We had good fun today, Clara and I had a fab swimming lesson this morning where she exhibited her fish like skills and decided that jumping was for wimps and diving was the way forward (I should add that once an idea is in her head it is harder to remove than bright blue paint from your favourite top...). We have started the process of preparing her for the next class up when she will go in without me (HURRAH!), I don't think there will be a problem but as she is skipping a class entirely to make it easier for us (the only real class she should be in is at 1.30 and Phoebe swims at 4.30, we would be there all afternoon, they are trying to get her into a 3.30 class for me) I think a little preparation wouldn't go a miss really. I just have to break her of the habit of breaststroke and get her back onto paddling now!

Phoebe apparently took Gogoi (her imaginary friend) to school and he misbehaved and poor Mybecky had to tell him to get off the ceiling several times. She really is a saint for putting up with the all the funny thing the kids throw at her! Phoebe also did a cracking picture of our family, including a passable cat and, of course, Gogoi. She swam at 4.30 and did brilliantly, she is really blossoming now she is in a higher class and isn't bored. And at the end they got to play races which she just LOVED even though she didn't win!

I am shattered now and I have sore thumbs [sob] I have a horrid feeling that this a family trait as I know Mum has weak thumbs and Grannie certainly does. I know I haven't damaged them in anyway recently so it is a bit worrying. I have to see the doc soon so I will add it to the list of woes for them. Oh lucky doc!

Monday, 11 January 2010

Happy Monday.

Originally uploaded by ***Vix***

I didn't sleep well last night so most of today has been lost in a fug of exhaustion.

I do have one thank you to add to Phoebe's imaginary friend Gogoi, apparently he needed to come in so Phoebe ran to open the door for him at around 3pm. As I turned to tell her to close the door and spotted my keys that were still hanging in the lock from when I did the school run at 12.30pm. Whoopsy!

The flowers are my darling Paul's way of saying Happy Monday. I love how random his romance is. They are beautiful and will be residing on my bedside table until they fade.

Blue arsed fly day tomorrow so I am going to attempt an early night to prepare myself for the onslaught of chaos.

Sunday, 10 January 2010

Cinderella Dreams!

Originally uploaded by ***Vix***

I came out of my bedroom this morning to see this little solitary dress up shoe sat on the steps into Phoebe's room. I can only imagine she was playing Cinders this morning as she adores the Nick Sharratt version.

We had a bit of a lazy day today, I didn't get any quilting done as the girls were in full Mummy Mode. Paul got more sinus pain and a migraine so retired to bed. Thank heavens for Paramol! In the afternoon we headed into town to do a swift bit of shopping much to the chagrin of Phoebe who was bribed out on the promise of hot chocolate with marshmallows and a biscuit. We found Harry Potter for a reasonable price of £9.99 in HMV and as a bonus side gift we got the girls Madagascar 2.

Most unusually Clara fell asleep before we got into town (10 mins walk) and stayed that way all the way around and for an hour after we got home! This has never, ever happened before! I don't think she is 100% after a few grim nappies and her being very very cuddly all afternoon.

Still I have been baking happy this afternoon, I put pizza dough in the breadmaker for our supper. And, much more exciting I found heart shaped cooking rings in Debenhams! The thing that sprang immediately to my mind was crumpets after watching the Hairy Bikers on the Beeb the other day! So the challenge was set and this was the result:

They taste GOOD and were surprisingly easy to make too. I forsee a lot of crumpet munching (snigger) in the forseeable!

Silence is BAD.

She came in with the pen, Paul gave her some paper. Then it went silent. Apparently she is a tiger and she is positively delighted with herself. Sometimes it is very hard to keep a straight face!

Saturday, 9 January 2010

Conversations with Tomtom

TOMTOM: At the end of the road, turn right.

Phoebe: Ok, we will turn right.

TOMTOM: Turn right.

Phoebe: We heard you the first time and we know we have to turn right.....urgh!

Us: [Dissolve in laughter.]

John Lewis Spendy Goodness!

Originally uploaded by ***Vix***
We went to Kingston Upon Thames today, it was an arse of a drive, Paul got a headache but we spent the remains of our Christmas and birthday money.

I had £50 in JL vouchers so I bought all these lovelies to help me with quilting and sewing. I think I know what I am doing tomorrow don't you!

Paul also had £50 in vouchers and some other pennies so he bought a couple of games for the Wii, he treated the girls to a Toy Story flask each. He still has £20 left so we are going to do some amazon shopping and I think he is going to buy the new Harry Potter film (YAY!) as well as other things I know not right now.

We also bought some new books in Whsmiths with the voucher his parents got us for Christmas. I got a chinese / thai cook book, Paul got a new novel and the girls got a magazine each.

Depression wise it hasn't been a great day, I have been struggling again lately. I am exhausted but not sleeping well (although I am loving my Jane Eyre Audio Book!) and I am struggling at keeping my cool with the girls (that said we did make up a cool song today to entertain them "We are ants! We are ants! And we like to live in ....... PANTS!" on the word pants you tickle... we got some interesting looks in John Lewis' cafe for that... whoops!) and I have so little patience with everything. I feel sick, my appetite is shot and I feel like my guts are in constant turmoil. My external calm is just a visage to show the world. I need to go back to the doctors really but I just want to hang on for a while to see if what I am feeling is just come down from Christmas and all that palava.

Friday, 8 January 2010

Happy Birthday Paul!

Today Paul is 31, on his birthday the only thing he asks for is a fry up in the morning so I dutifully bought in the bacon and sausages yesterday. We had also been out and bought him a present before Phoebe's swimming lesson on Tuesday, we popped into the big toy shop behind swimming and bought him an Optimus Prime transformer toy and keyring. Oh I looked a numpty in the shop, having not really ever paid attention to Transformers it was a bit overwhelming and I had to get a person what worked there to help. I may have gone a bit pink when I had to respond to the "how old are they?" question with "31". Ah well, the reason I bought them was because whilst he has always been a fan of transformers he has never had one of the toys! Shocking! Anyway, Optimus Prime is now in pride of place on his desk at work:

Anyway, I made his fry up for breakfast and the girls were delighted with a sausage each for breakfast, and again at lunch time! Then this afternoon we set to making a chocolate cake for him on his return. It was bedlam, thank heavens for my beloved Kenwood as it kept it contained. I was also lucky that I had a couple of pots of dairy free marg (makes awesome cakes!) left over from Phoebe's birthday in December. I made the buttercream with real butter though. I am also lucky that he is a man of simple tastes so an easy chocolate Victoria Sponge was all that was needed, although I did jazz it up with a bit of silver lustre. He has steak and red wine in Yorkshire pud for supper with more cake for afters. I hope he enjoys it (I will too... nom!).

Happy Birthday my darling boy, it was a lucky day that I met you  and it has been an amazing 7 years together and I hope the rest of our years together are just as fab. Big snogs darling x

Maybe after you have washed your face eh?

Thursday, 7 January 2010

Today I have:

Finished the washing (well the washing that I started yesterday, the laundry basket is, of course, full again now).
Cleared upstairs, made all beds and opened all the curtains.
Defrosted and roasted a chicken for supper (thai green curry).
Cuddled Clara endlessly (I think she is turning into my little stalker, I can't go anywhere without her attached to me).
Bathed and put to bed the hobgoblins early (Paul was running late courtesy of the annoying white stuff)
Bought in all the things required by His Nibs for his birthday fry up.
Cuddled Clara a bit more
Witnessed Phoebe pretending to be a neuron (lying face down on the little table shouting "Nina! YOU NEED A WEEEEEEEEEEEE").

I have neglected my poor sewing machine today as I have been so busy... I still have to tidy the living room and finish cooking supper (well when the chicken is cooked anyway!). I will then be keeling over as I can't seem to shake the tired feeling at the moment. I could sleep all the time and I feel pretty low, possibly time to go and see the doc again. Could be that I looked up a couple of things today and I should learn and shouldn't look as it just upsets me. I miss doing my photo a day project but I can't face going back as there are people in the group that I don't want any contact with (for self protection purposes). But at the same time I feel useless and worthless and pathetic for the avoidance. I used to take a lot of pleasure from exploring what I was feeling in picture form but I can't now for fear of being accused of indirect attacks or being a bitch. I feel totally, urgh... I don't know... trapped? I hate it and I hate this illness.


As I walk in with the pudding:

Oh. My. Goodness... it can't be.... can it? Oh My Gosh! Oh WOW! [tastes it] IT IS! Mummy it is chocolate Mousse! Oh Thank you!

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

What I made today.

Using the rough guide of this tutorial, I made this gorgeous plastic bag holder for the kitchen!

I love it, and it looks so much nicer than the Waitrose bag I had them stuffed all in!

MUMMY! 3 4 3 4 eyes!

Clara speak for
"Mummy you have 4 eyes!"

Her latest trick (learnt in France) is to come up, climb up in your lap and go cross eyed. She looks positively deranged when she does it and if you ask her to stop you get a firm "No!" and she carries on. She even does the moving into position so she is always in your eyeline, even when you are trying to ignore her and do something else. It was funny, for a while, now it is dangerously close to annoying!

Janome 4618 hard at work!

Well I finally mastered the (well ok tamed it a bit) beast. I have made a couple of things off my list. I have also finished something I started AGES ago (so much for being able to do it in the time it takes to watch a movie...5 months is one hell of a film!).

I made the girl's winter bags for keeping their scarves, hats and gloves in. I even made the labels via embroidery! Woo go me! I bought a ring to do it and everything and I am quite pleased with the result. The label edge still needs Pinking but my shears are on holibobs for the moment and it can wait.

The project I finished was the Nine Patch Doorstop by Oh Fransson. It has taken me so long because I didn't have a zipper foot until recently so I couldn't do the zip, simple really! I also had such an arse of a time trying to track down fusible fleece that I gave up (the haberdashers around me are pretty limited sadly) and bought some nice thick felt and wonderweb (necessity is the mother of invention eh?!). I got that today and I have finally almost finished, I am just missing the jaunty button but I am feeling uninspired in the button department (and my collection is rather dowdy). I just need to get some beans or something to go in it and I can bin the manky old cat post that has been used until now!

Oh and this also happens to be the first bit of quilting I have ever done, I am quite pleased with myself!

I have been a busy bee this evening and now I am going to go to bed and listen to more Jane Eyre and quietly pray for a miraculous heatwave over night to melt all the snow so Paul go to work and the girls can go to preschool tomorrow morning! Although we stayed with very helpful family over Christmas I confess I am looking forward to 3 hours of my own company more than I would like to admit!

Monday, 4 January 2010

Nooo! Damn you cold weather!

Curses! Our car battery died again today. Bum bum bum. This means I couldn't nip to the haberdasher to get a zip and some quilting wadding to finish my door stop. Instead I helped Mybecky make a duffle bag for her little girl Millie to cart about her Silvanian Family stuff in. So that is 2 projects down from the Cath Kidston SEW book, not a bad start.

Mind you whilst Mybecky and I were sewing, the 4 children (top age: 10, youngest: 2) were playing. By which I mean they got every single toy out. You seriously could not see the floor in the living room! Still they all helped to tidy up before they went so alls well etc.

Tomorrow we are back to normal only less blue flyish, Phoebe's swimming lesson has changed from 2pm to 4.30pm so we don't have to race about so much which will be nice (assuming the car is working tomorrow that is...). I am so glad school starting back tomorrow, don't get me wrong I love my children dearly but those 6 hours a week when they are both at school and I am not responsible for them are very precious! I think I will finish my door stop on Weds and depending on what material I get from Ikea on Weds pm I might have a bash at quilting on Friday (although I hope my fabric arrives from Ebay before then so I might just make the plastic bag holder on Friday). Me, My Sewing Machine and Radio 2, bliss!

Sunday, 3 January 2010

Things currently MIA in my house...

[sigh] I appear to have a black hole in this house (probably brought into existence by two small children) and I am currently missing:

The second phone handset.
One slice of wooden birthday cake
One orange fish (not alive)


What happened to all the lovely wooden stuff in ELC?!

Ok so the kitchen the girl's are getting from their Christmas voucher hoard is out of stock up it is still showing on the website. But where are the wooden pans, the blender, the toaster, the kettle etc! I am going to have to get the plastic ones at this rate and that will ruin the ethos (not to mention the plastic ones generally make [gasp] noise!). I suppose I could look elsewhere for the wooden things but they wouldn't match then and I do like things to match [shallow].

To accomodate the rather fab kitchen we have had a little move around in the dining room. The puppet theatre has gone upstairs to Phoebe's room. The girl's bookshelf has been moved from the wall by the understairs cupboard to the wall next to the front door and the girl's coat hooks and shoe bags will be moved over to the small amount of space on the other side of the cupboard. This leaves a nice big space of wall but with 2 holes in it left over from the pegs... Gah! At least it was Gah! Until Paul had a brilliant Idea.... we could make a little faux window with MDF and a few bits of baton, then I could make some curtains for it. PERFECT! Now I have to decide what scene I am going to attempt to paint outside their window... maybe a park?

Above the kitchen I am going to make a huge notice board in the same fabric as I have covered the chair pads with. This is going to be used to display some of the girl's artwork. Until now I have lovingly stored it all in the bin [bad mummy] (except the important bits, like things they have made for occasions or the first time they have written their names) because we just have no where to put it but the notice board will solve that.

Hmmm so many plans, so little time!

Saturday, 2 January 2010

I am so impatient!

I ordered some quilting pieces from ebay the other day I am going to make a carrier bag holder as I am sick of them hanging up on the cupboard. Of course, now I have to wait for delivery when I want to do it  NOW. Humph. I have also ordered an embroidery ring so I can make some little labels for the girl's winter and summer gear bags. I may also follow Kirsty Allsop and make some embroidered napkins (oooh get me!).

I am also desperate to go to John Lewis to spend the rest of my Christmas money in their haberdashery dept. I am quite tempted to get a rotary cutter etc, and of course lots of lovely fabrics! The upside of going to JL is that I know they sell the wallpaper we have in the bedroom there so I should be able to see what fabrics will match it without having to take a sample piece in with me. I think I had better do Phoebe's quilt first though. Strikes me that a single quilt will be easier to do as a starter than a Super King Sized one lol! However getting there is harder than it looks, the ones in the city require going into London, the alternative to that is either Kingston or Bluewater, Kingston is a bugger to get to and I haven't been to Bluewater since the summer for fear of running into a couple of people (silly I know, but I get shaky even when we drive past it). I will manage it soon and if I don't I might see if I can sell the voucher to someone and hit the Haberdasher in Tooting lol! I have soooo many projects I want to do and I want to get started on all of them RIGHT NOW! Instead my machine sits waiting on the dining table until I can get to the shops I need to or can afford the materials I need!

Friday, 1 January 2010


Today I :
  • cleaned the kitchen
  • made fresh bread
  • sewed 2 winter bags for the girls to keep their hats, scarves and gloves in
  • made the Cath Kidson Bag I got in Sew!
  • cleaned and tidied my sewing box. 
  • Played and cuddled the children.
  • watched the last episode of DT's Doctor Who
So why don't I feel like I have achieved anything? I feel so, well, spare partish at the moment. Like I don't belong anywhere. I can't explain it really, I wish I could it would make things easier I think. I am back on my meds after mucking them up on holiday as I was all over the shop with regards to sleeping arrangements so it isn't that.

So, in conclusion. my thoughts are: Meh!

My To Do List 2010.

I thought I would write down my list of projects that I would like to get done by the end of 2010. Give me a working list to go through.
  • Some nice table linen
  • Cool bunting for the kitchen windows
  • Funky food pictures for the kitchen
  • Brown and gold roman blind for the living room
  • a new set of loose covers for the sofas
  • Loads of scatter cushions for said sofas.
  • A quilt for Phoebe's room
  • A quilt for our bedroom
  • Kitchen accessories (aprons, ovengloves, teatowels, carrier bag holder etc)
  • Winter / Summer bags each to keep all our seasonal things together.
  • Clothes for the girls
  • A corset for me
  • Clothes for me.
I think that is it but like I say this is a working list so watch this space!