Dear Phoebe and Clara.

Darling girls I love you more than you can ever know. You are the light in my darkness and the breath in my lungs and my main reason for living.

BUT there are some things I feel we should address in order to maintain the equilibrium in our relationship:

Strange as it may sound I do not just tidy up for the hell of it. If we have done a puzzle and put it back in its box it is not the done thing to get out that one, and another 3 for the hell of it, and scrabble them all up. There are only so many times I can put them back together again with a smile on my face.

Oh and I do not just tidy up for company. I do quite like to be able to see the floor occasionally. Please stop seeing it as a daily necessity to cover the entire downstairs in your toys.

Ketchup is VILE, it is even more vile when mixed with the humous I bought, and you rejected, for lunch.

Loo paper is best used with one or two (at a push three) sheets at a time. Fifteen is excessive to say the least. It should also be flushed not left in the hallway for me to find.

Whilst we are on the subject of toilets the flush will NOT hurt you! Please use them.

Clara whilst we are in the early stages of No Nappies I would appreciate you not leaving brown lumps of used playdoh everywhere. It makes me nervous.

Stop raiding the bag of toys I have put together for Catherine's play group. You have outgrown and not looked at any of them for months. Why are they suddenly so necessary now?!

Leave the cat alone. She is grouchy and grumpy and you guys loving her will only make her more so and result in scratches, bites and excessive tears.

Much love

Mummy x