Tuesday, 2 March 2010

I am having a crisis...

Mostly of confidence I think but it is giving me an attack of the nerves to the point where actually I could cry about it.

I am trying decide if I want to study photography with the aim of getting another BA (I have one in Theatre Studies and Music Tech already). I am looking at the Open College of the Arts and doing the level one courses.

My worries are these:

  • I am not good enough to consider a degree in Photography.
  • Nearly £5k is a lot of money we don't have and I am panicking I will waste it.
  • I am not up to studying it and I will flake out wasting our money and my time
  • My children are young and need clothes, shoes and my time etc more than I need to study.

But at the same time I feel like I am stuck watching life go by at the moment. Unable to break out and grab it. I feel like a huge "something" is missing and I don't know what. I am bored and frustrated with everything, I feel like I am living my life for other people I suppose.

ARGH! I don't know what to do, I feel like I am screaming inside but I daren't open my mouth on the outside.

1 comment:

badsparklythings said...

I think you should go for it, Vix. You're not wasting the money - you could gain a lot from this that may not be tangible like shoes and schoolbooks but still very meaningful. Things like boosting your confidence, improving motivation, helping with the issues you're dealing with (magnificently!) around self-image, going outside etc.

It is scary - taking any big step like this is, and maybe even more so when you have children and a husband that you feel are depending on you to do well. But all they really depend on your for is your love and support whenever they need it, and studying won't stop you giving that.

Don't be scared you're not good enough - you do this to learn, not to walk in on day one and be able to do it all. It will be a challenge and you'll have to work hard but that's good, that's why you're doing it isn't it? To push yourself and improve and build relationships and knowledge and all the other things that life is about that you feel you're missing out on just now.

I'd hate to see you walk away from something like this if the only thing holding you back if your confidence in yourself (obv I don't know how important the finance side of things are!). Lots of us have confidence in you - steal some of that and run with it!