Thursday, 10 March 2011

BDD is back.

I had my hair cut. YAY! I had to sit in front of a mirror for an hour and I forgot my Kindle: Boooo.

This means I had an hour to contemplate my visage and it wasn't pleasant. I have a huge zit trying to come out on my nose, my skin looks like leather and I have a HUGE double chin because I am so ruddy fat. By the end of the haircut my hair felt great but my heart was so sad and heavy and it was a massive relief to move away from the mirror.

The diet got delayed as I got sick (I am still producing industrial amounts of snot 2 weeks later... bah!) and I couldn't face it but I am back on track now. So I reckon I have at least 70 lbs to loose, sob (yes I really am that fat), although ideally I would like to loose about 98. However if I can get into a size 10 and not look too flabby I will be happy. I have always weighed more than I look so I don't want to take things down too far.

Dieting is pretty scary though as I know I do one of two things, I either obsess to the point of ridiculousness or I rebel. Neither is good so I think I will start up Mr McKenna on my iphone again and listen to that instead of Audio Books when I am going to sleep. Maybe a two pronged attack will help?!

As for my skin, back to forcing myself to take care of myself. It is so so easy to think "why bother" when it comes to skin care etc. I don't wear make up everyday so it isn't like my skin suffers from that application but equally I suppose it doesn't have the same protection as someone who wears it daily.

Sigh, Being a grown up is so hard sometimes!

3 comments:

MrsB said...

hugs.

I think you have to set yourself little achievable goals. If you try and fix everything, all at once, you are not being kind to yourself.

One day and one small milestone at a time... x

stuart said...

I absolutely agree - a stone at a time, a dress size at a time....I personally think a size ten, for a woman in your thirties after two children, is setting yourself up for disappointment - it's not that it's unachievable, but it's SUCH hard work to get there. I'm an 18 at the moment - if I can get to a 16 by the summer and a 14 by Christmas, I'll be chuffed. I've spent 15 years dieting and trying to lose weight and I've only recently realised that slowly slowly catchy monkey. Good luck. x

KT said...

More hugs. Exercise has been the key for me - I'm trying not to fixate on the numbers on the scales too much, because my body shape is changing so much. And endorphins are WONDERFUL things :D Best of luck - and you know where I am as a fellow dieter and Shredding devotee ;) if you need a hand to hold xxx