Tuesday, 25 May 2010

Come on Mr McKenna... Fix me, I dare you!

For my birthday present Mum has bought me tickets to Paul McKenna's show this weekend in London Village. It is on Saturday and I am quite excited about it, also a little nervous too. I have a very iffy relationship with food. I like it but I fear it too, I have been to both ends of the scale of dodgy food relationships and have never found a happy medium as yet. I am 32, that is a long time battling with it. I seem to use food to either punish or reward myself which is a bit stupid because at the end of the day it is just fuel really isn't it! Punishment is not eating, I don't always do this on purpose either. I can get to the end of the day and feel all odd and then realise it is because I haven't actually eaten anything at all! Reward is punishment in a different outfit really, I "treat" myself and stuff my face silly. I have stomach issues with dairy (seriously, just take issues and go with it... it is a definite "TMI" subject) and yet I can't seem to give it up (or even reduce my intake).

I am (or rather I feel) the size of an elephant and it is so depressing I actually don't have mirrors (we have 2 small ones I don't see often). If the girls want to see themselves in an outfit they now go and look at their reflection in the oven. How bad does that make me feel? Very. I am so worried I am going to warp them with my ridiculous weight and food issues. They are already faddy which is very upsetting and frustrating.

So come on Mr McKenna... do your best!

1 comment:

Claire said...

You poor thing. I completely relate - except I eat when Im sad, happy, frustrated etc. Anyway, hugs from me here. Xxx