Sunday, 18 April 2010

In one week I will be 32 yrs old.

I am sat here in my quiet house, children, husband and cat asleep, bunnies in their hutch for the night.

How am I 32 already?! What do I have to show for myself? I have a house and family yes but personally? A degree I suppose, A levels and GCSEs. But what else? I have no proper career (yes I have Vix Photography but I don't consider it career more fun that makes me a few extra pennies), I have made no difference to the world at large except to unleash Phoebe and Clara onto it.

What do I even want from my life?! I am roughly 1/3rd of the way through it and I don't feel like I have done anything! Do I want to sit and watch the world go by for another 60 years?! Of course not but it is, to quote Pretty Woman "a slippery little sucker!" and hard to get a grip on or a hand hold in.

This is why I am not keen on my own birthday, I tend to get glum and worried about what I have or haven't done with this wonderful wonderful gift of existence! It should be treasured as it is truly a gift and yet I feel like I am wasting it with every breath.

2 comments:

Lynne said...

(hug) Sometimes I feel very much the same way. x

Catherine said...

I turned 32 today. I mostly feel every day of those 32 years and then some more! I know it's easy to say, but try not to fret about it - the key to me is in the word - "existence". We are here merely to exist, to be - to continue the human race, whatever your view on that may be. Anything you do beyond that is a bonus. You've made two gorgeous daughters, you're hugely talented with a sewing machine and you frequently make others happy. Hell, if that's not a life to be proud of, I'm not sure what is.