Teaching anatomy to a three yr old...

Clara is, as many know, boob obsessed. Well as I dried her for her shower she took the time to play with my boobs with much joy. Then her father entered post shower and laughed with us, especially as I asked Clara some questions about her and my body, and her Daddy's.

Me: What did mummy's boobs make?

C: MILK!

Me: Where did the milk come from?

C: Yours nipples

Me: that's right... do you have nipples?

C: [searches down top] YES!

Me: Does Daddy have nipples?

C: [Goes for a hug with Daddy] Yes!

Daddy: Mine don't make milk though, they are muscles not nice boobs like Mummy's [thank you dearest!]

C: [looks confused]

Me: That is because Daddy is a boy darling. What does Daddy have that we don't?

C: [mulls it over for a little bit] APPLE JUICE!

What songs are Preschool teaching my daughter?!

Clara is sat next to me singing what sounds like the following:

Here is a Box
Put on a lid
Wonder what's inside
Wonder what's hid

Here is a Mummy!
Without any top
Out of the box she comes with a POP

Erm....

I suspect I am hearing things again as when Phoebe started and they were practicing I was convinced the lyrics for their Father Christmas song were rude as they sounded very like:

Father Christmas
Father Christmas
He Got Stuck
He Got Stuck
Coming Down the Chimney
Coming down the chimney
So that's Christmas Fucked
Christmas Fucked....

it wasn't of course but I didn't hear it the right way for ages and ages!

Right body... I want words.

Now listen up... there is a time and a place to get iffy and there is also an order to things.

1, Cystitis is hideous.

2, Bloated stomach and IBS stuff is hideous.

3, Cold is hideous.

All three together is just rude and, more to the point, unnecessary! Stop it, pull yourself together and get well this instant dammit! If I have to spend another day on the loo tomorrow I will be most displeased.

That is all.

Conversations with a 5 and a 3 yr old.

In the car on the way home from Phoebe's ballet lesson.

P: Mummy, guess what at Christmas a pixie snuck in and left us Christmas Pyjamas whilst you were making snacks and we were in the bath. Then Father Christmas came and left us PRESENTS! Will he come again this Christmas?!*

Me: Well, Father Christmas only brings presents to certain people...

P: Who are they?!

Me: Well who doesn't get presents from Father Christmas...

P: Naughty boys and girls.

Me: Ok so what is the opposite of naughty?

Clara: Asleep.

Hmmm, I can't help but think she has a damn good point!



*No idea where this conversation came from, she is very into menembering (sic) at the moment.

Parenting FAIL.

Oh dear. I pulled a doozy today...

not feeling great anyway (see previous post) so I spent a large portion of this afternoon dozing on the sofa willing my stomach to stop churning before we left to get Phoebe at 15.30. I got a little confused as normally we don't see Yo Gabba Gabba but I thought Nick Jr had been playing with timings but didn't think more of it until the titles rolled and I told Clara to get her shoes on because we had to get Phoebe. As I looked up at the clock in the living room the following happened in my brain.

Time to get Phoebe
School ends at 15.00
It is now 15.30
OH MY GOD IT IS 15.30 AND PHOEBE HAS BEEN WAITING FOR ME FOR HALF AN HOUR, THAT IS WHY WE DON'T WATCH YO GABBA GABBA, IT IS ON WHILST WE ARE DOING THE SCHOOL RUN... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

At which point I rang school to tell them I was on the way and was shoving shoes on Clara's feet at the speed of light, diving in the car and getting to school.

She was absolutely fine, happily sat with her beloved teacher and bending the ears of the office staff when I turned up! I was guilt ridden even more because she made it onto the Superstar board today for excellent writing! So I took them out for a McFlurry to celebrate her achievement...!

Wail... will I never learn?!

Symptoms of hangover:

Headache : CHECK
Lethargic : CHECK
washing machine stomach : CHECK
Bloating: CHECK

Did I consume my own body weight in alcohol to deserve such punishment? No I had too much dairy. I feel so so rotten today and I don't deserve this fall out from just dairy. S'not fair.

Phoebe's Book

Phoebe's Book a video by ***Vix*** on Flickr.

Look what my clever clever girl made all by herself! There was absolutely no parental input in this book it is all her own work!

Paul and I are so so so proud of her!

List of thing that I have to get done by the 23rd July...

Decorate Bathroom.... well not so much decorate as freshen up as it is going from white to, well, white!

Paint upstairs hallway... going from cream and flaky to white to make it look a bit bigger.

Decorate stairway... cream to white (again... are you sensing a theme here?) and paper one wall with funky frames wallpaper!

Strip and repaint front door - Going from Red with Black Furniture to Blue with Silver.

Wallpaper Phoebe's  bedroom... it STILL hasn't been done!

Paint the upstairs window on the outside...

Plant pretty flowers in our one and only flower bed that is currently filled with weeds and one allium. It's not a good look when the rest of the garden looks fab!

Oh and lose a shed load more weight... actually that needs to be done by the 17th June as I have a Hen Party to go to and I don't want to look like a sack of spuds. 30 day shred is en route... this could get painful!

Why you may be asking does all this have to be done by the 23rd July... well the inlaws are coming up for the first time in 2 years. Time to get the house looking lovely and pristine. However I have proven to Paul that his painting the ceiling and I do the rest of the graft during the day actually does work so it is less of a PITA to decorate now than it was!

Actually thinking about it, no point in doing the Hallway until after the new bed has arrived is there. All we need it to have a freshly decorated hall gouged by getting old beds down and new beds up!

Hoover fixed... so the bed broke. Sigh.

After Paul's wizardry with the hoover... there is something about him that makes technology start working. Must be The Engineer Effect, if he is around everything behaves... he leaves the premises and everything flicks V's at us and stops. Gah!

Anyway after that we got into bed that night and heard an ominous creak and felt a little drop. A brief inspection revealed the bed base (a metal mesh) is looking rather sorry for itself. We are, of course, blaming the girls penchant for bouncing on the bed... nothing else naturally [cough]. Whilst lying there, very very carefully, we realised that the mattress we were lying on is 10 yrs old. We bought it new when we moved in together and needed a kingsize bed to cope with Paul's height. Apparently he doesn't like his feet dangling off the end of the bed... who knew!

So today we took our poor battered little bank account out on another excursion. Bed hunting. Thank heavens for t'interweb where we spotted a lovely bedframe at a not too bad a price:

http://www.bensonsforbeds.co.uk/SpecialOffers/Spring-Sale-Offers/Bedframe-Offers/Servillia-Metal-Double-Size-Bed-Frame;52192.aspx

Which should go beautifully in our bedroom! I am faintly surprised Paul was ok with it actually as normally he doesn't go for swirly things... maybe he is finally conceding he has no decorative skill whatsoever! It should arrive on the 1st June, which means we have to treat our bed very very very nicely for the next 16 days! Dammit.

Friday the 13th from HELL

Dear GODS! What have I done to deserve your wrath?!

Today has sucked, big time. Clara has been in a foul mood since the moment she woke up until the moment she finally passed out. Her last words were telling Phoebe to shut up because she was trying to go to sleep. I mean she threw a tantrum when I said she could go to her Dopplegangers house for a playdate on Monday! Phoebe has been ok actually, possibly aided by the fact I now chat with a couple of Mum's after school meaning she can rough house to her hearts content with their sons. And she took it on the chin when I said no DS tonight as she got a warning.

I had to pick up the money pit car today which cost a bloody fortune. Put it this way I could have 3 Ipad2's for the same amount! Instead I have fans and breaks that work and I will be grateful for them. If you listened carefully you could hear my poor credit card sobbing as I punched in the dreaded numbers!

As if that wasn't enough my hoover declined to work for me. I changed the fuse (broke a fondue fork in the process) and tried 4 different plugs but nada. Just as I am planning which hoover to replace it with Paul comes home and with one deft yank of the cord unhooks it from where it had got pinched and I hadn't seen. Don't you just HATE that?

However I have lost 4lbs and this is a Very Good Thing. I also have pink wine and a indian take out headed my way so things should start improving momentarily....ahhhh pink wine.

What shall I doooo?!

I want to do some study, wake my brain up a little from the 6 years of Stay At Home Mumming. Maybe go a little way to finding me a bit more. But what shall I study? I want something useful because I have a degree that I don't use practically (Theatre Studies & Music Tech). I have no idea where my academic talent lies.

I don't want to make the same mistake as my A'levels where I studied English because I loved reading. I do love reading but I like reading the story and I don't enjoy delving into the whys and wherefores. I did enjoy Chemistry but would that be do-able in a not in class kind of way?!

Uff. Why is it I can make a billion choices a day for the girls but I can't make one for myself!

A poignant reminder.

I haven't been feeling the bloggy love recently hence the silence. However I read something today that firstly broke my heart and secondly drove me here to share my thoughts.

Yesterday a mother and father lost their son. William was just shy of 3 yrs old and a bright bubbly and charming little boy by all accounts. He didn't wake up yesterday morning and his family's world was shattered into pieces. I can't bear to imagine it, waking up one morning to discover life as you knew it would forever have a gaping whole in it that was filled by someone so beloved.

I have woken up to similar and that broke my heart age 10. But to lose a child is something I can't and don't want to fathom. My arms ached for my children to pull them close to me and treasure them as I should. William's life and his family's loss stand as a poignant reminder of what a precious thing family truly is. I cannot wish that their hearts will be mended because I don't think that will ever truly happen. I can only send them all the love and peace I can in the vain hope that it helps soothe the pain a little.

Please hold your loved ones close and just for a moment, in William's memory, remember how lucky you are to have them in your lives. Spare a thought for my friends as they attempt to put their world back together. They are in my thoughts now and always.

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