We got the letter.

Phoebe has been accepted to CAMHS (Children and Mental Health Services) for review. This is the first hurdle in identifying what is going on with her. It was up in the air as to whether she would get accepted because a, they have next to no money and b, she is fine educationally (more than fine in fact, she is doing brilliantly!).

We also have the school on our side because whilst she is coping well in the class we have had lots of moments where she obviously hasn't coped. Memorably there was the day that Miss B moved PE from the start of school until after break and it threw Phoebe off kilter big time all day. Then there was the school trip to the transport museum. Went brilliantly until the presentation and the actor they had showing us around told us that we would be going back to the past via the medium of a pop up play tunnel. Phoebe took this literally and panicked, major tears and shrieking that she didn't want to go... clinging onto me. It took me and Miss B to calm her down (every time the phrase "go back to the past" was uttered it set her off again!) despite our giggles! However this has given us a few tools to abuse if / when the Ed-Psych comes to review her at school. Miss B is going to change things around to set Phoebe off knowing that she will demonstrate her panics.

I actually cannot praise the school enough, as soon as I mentioned my thoughts on Phoebe they said it was like someone had clicked focus and suddenly they saw it too. She has been in less trouble as they are more understanding that she often cannot help shouting out and that it is often easier to just go with it rather than fight it. Miss B is fantastic with her and is able to see and help her struggles in the play ground (it is un-structured so that is where she gets a bit lost). Educationally they keep pushing her where she needs it and appreciating her views on things. I feel very lucky that she has such caring staff. And to think I was worried about her going to this school... large slice of humble pie to table one please!

Personally though I am struggling a bit. Managing her behaviour and balancing that with making sure Clara is also feeling secure is exhausting. I feel like I am walking a tight rope a lot of the time and mostly just want to curl up and have a good cry that my baby is struggling and I can't make it all better. I have to get over this and remember that what ever happens Phoebe is just the same fabulous little girl she has always been and that, really, I am very very blessed with my girls.

Reasons I love my husband.

Even though he is working this weekend (yes people, he is working on Mothering Sunday). He is fabulous and wonderful and I am a lucky lucky girl to have him.

This weekend gone he worked hard (with my help... lets not forget my part in it!) making the garden pretty again. He built an area in the corner that is now home to a bench and a metal arch that will have clematis growing up it (when it arrives). I painted the back wall of the garden pink and we cleaned and sorted the patio. He took on the behemoth that was the rabbited Forsythia and dug up the root ball (and with a tap root the size of my arm it really was an impressive feat!) and transplanted a Yukka Tree in there. He also moved his raised bed to a new location and therefore all the dirt contained there. Oh and he built a bike area at the back of our shed which frees up a lot of (much needed) space in the shed. I stained the decking a nice colour and sorted out the girls garden toys.

Is this why I love him so? Well yes but mostly it is because he didn't mind me waking him up with a mammoth fit of the giggles on Saturday night. He caused the giggles admittedly by turning over and sleep talking in my ear. In the past we have had awesome sleep comments from him, my favourite being about a flame thrower and how he would like a go. This time the words he lovingly muttered into my ear at midnight were:

Damn Those Fucking Vampires!

I seriously couldn't breathe for laughing at him and I had tears running down my face!

Oh how I love him!